Grad School

I am a nerd. I like school. This has not always been the case, but it has usually been the case. Now that I am an adult I really enjoy it. The time spent reading academic materials that interest me and then the discussions that follow in class leave me feeling refreshed and...smarter. I love my job. I love staying home with Emaline and when I pass a daycare center I remind myself to count myself blessed to stay home with her. that's why my current school schedule is pretty grand. One night a week I am guaranteed a hot meal to myself with interesting adults to talk to. At times the workload is a bit much. It was especially so when I was in that haze of my first trimester when I was puking like crazy! I took a 6 week break and while it was great to do nothing while Emaline slept, I really missed it. I even missed the reading! Crazy!

So now why do I wonder if I'm doing the right thing? I just started my special education classes a month ago and now I'm beginning to wonder if I'm really going to enjoy being and Intervention Specialist. I talked it over with my advisor and she was no help. She just went on about how great I'll be at it. It was nice to hear, but it didn't really help me figure anything out. Sure, I have a special spot in my heart for people with disabilities and I do think I have a natural ability to work with people. Yet I feel like my passions have changed. Where I once felt passionate about helping people with disabilities gain independence and dignity I now find myself wanting to help obese people. Perhaps it's because for the past two years my exposure to the population I worked with at Arc has been very limited, while I have simultaneously been on a journey to conquer my own obesity. Both experiences were so life giving and so challenging and so worth my time that now I wonder what I should do as a career when I no longer stay home with my babies .

Eventually I want to return to work. Not for some years, like when my youngest is in school all day, but I am sure I want to go back. Motherhood is a joyous responsibility and I am honored to do it. If I don't do this whole mothering thing well then what's the point. Yet I feel an itch to do something in addition to that. Not because I don't think it's enough, because it is. I want to do it because there is a stirring deep in my heart to help people. What will I be doing when I go back? I better figure it out. MVNU ain't cheap.