During our time with our previous small group I met a woman named Kelli and I love her. I loved her immediately based solely on the sound of her voice. She has a voice that makes me want to curl up on the couch and take a nap. It's calming in the best way. Once I got to know her I began to love her for more than her voice! She has a spiritual maturity and honesty that I admire and she is on the pastoral staff at my church so she knows her stuff. When our old group birthed our new group she approached me about doing spiritual direction with me. It has long been a desire of my heart to have mentor of sorts and this was a great option for me. So we began. It has richly blessed my life meeting with her once a month.
Last night I met with her and it was again a blessing. She leads us in prayer, then we are silent until I feel like I am ready to talk about whatever I want to talk about. She listens, interjects when necessary or I ask her to, then we pray and say goodbye. Usually our meetings last about 90 minutes and they are some of the best most productive minutes of my month. But they are also challenging and hard and I am faced with the truth. She has gone through very similar experiences as I have in my life and therefore has a wisdom and compassion that is helpful.
What it usually comes down to is this: I have a hard time living constantly in the truth and power of God's unfailing love. I still strive to earn it, to be enough and to please God and others with a downright fervor and obsession. I am truly a work in process and He is still working on me. I want to embrace the truth that He loves me. Not because of who I am but because of who He is. I have seen the heart of God as love at times but other times I think I need to strive, earn and produce in order to be loved. What a lie. It has been this lie that has led me astray time after time though. This journey does not come with a map! Our American culture values directions and steps on how to gain the things we want but the Kingdom of God is not designed that way. I am learning to be OK with that.
Thursday, May 29, 2014
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Put some clothes on
Sunday night my parents had my girls spend the night. It is a real treat when this happens and the luxury of that is not lost on me whatsoever. We decided to make use of our AMC theater gift card and go see the new Adam Sandler/Drew Barrymore movie Blended and beforehand we decided to grab a quick bite at Chipotle. As we were standing in line a group of teenage girls came in and were directly behind us in line. That's when I noticed her. That's when we all noticed her. A girl about age 17 wearing shorts so short they may as well have been underwear. As a shirt she was wearing a spaghetti strap halter midriff. Not to be gross, but she wore it well. She was built like a brick house and even I, a heterosexual married mother couldn't help but check her out. She had long dark hair and a face full of makeup, but underneath you could tell she had a pretty face. I watched my poor husband squirm and look at the ground. I watched as men old enough to be grandpa's look her up and down. I couldn't blame them, it was hard not to. We ordered our food and sat down to eat and the posse of teens sat across the restaurant, thankfully. That was short lived because they soon got up and sat right next to us.
As we were sitting there eating I couldn't help but be distracted by them. I tried hard to stay focused on our conversation but the wheels in my head were turning and I was measuring myself up against this young girl. I felt frumpy, old, out of touch and just plain old gross next to these young fresh girls. How embarrassing! I want to wear my mama stripes with pride, but I still want to be as attractive and young and I got to thinking about how nice and flattering it would be to turn heads. WHAT???!!! I would never want to turn them for that reason. Why was I jealous of her? Sick I tell you, sick as can be! I overheard one of her friends tell the scantily clad girl that some guy was checking her out. This is when Fez got mad as he heard it too. He said he is so disgusted that they seemed to need this attention. He wondered out loud why her parents would let her wear that and whether she just felt unloved. He wondered if she had a father. He told me that I was beautiful and that I turn his head (so dang sweet!) and that his daughters will never, ever dress like that. AMEN to that. He also said that the girls on the OSU campus where he works dress very similarly to this and that he faces this kind of temptation day after day in the summer months. I never knew this and I became so grateful that his partner at work is a married Christian father of two girls as well and that they keep each other accountable in this area.
After dinner I went to the restroom. While in there I felt so burdened for this young girl. I said a prayer for her and asked God if there was anything He would have me say to her. Nothing came to mind and I walked out of the restaurant just shaking my head. I felt incensed that my husband has to face these kinds of situations and that these images are in his head, like it or not. Since then I have thought of a few things I would want to say.
Girls of the world, lend an ear! You may turn a lot of heads wearing clothes that show a lot of skin and show off your young bodies, but TRUST me this is not the attention you want. You look like a slut and people will treat you like a slut even if you are not. You will attract men that want to grope you and that is it. I promise you that if you will probably get hurt in relationships because the kind of men you will attract may not be considering your heart and mind You can turn heads wearing something pretty and modest. Watching you broke my heart. It really did. I am the mother of two daughters. Perhaps they will grow up to have killer bodies and gorgeous faces. No way will I allow them to leave my house looking like that. No way.
More than me not wanting them to dress like that and not allowing them to do so is only part of the story. I want them to want to dress more modestly. I want them to feel secure enough in their mind, heart and even physique to be able to cover themselves up and still feel beautiful and special. How does one do that? How do I raise a confident woman? All I know to do is pray a lot. Thank God that He is with me and I don't have to do this on my own. I want my girls to know their worth in Christ and to feel like they are enough just because of that. Lord Jesus, be near to these precious girls I am raising and help me to raise them up to honor you in all things.
As we were sitting there eating I couldn't help but be distracted by them. I tried hard to stay focused on our conversation but the wheels in my head were turning and I was measuring myself up against this young girl. I felt frumpy, old, out of touch and just plain old gross next to these young fresh girls. How embarrassing! I want to wear my mama stripes with pride, but I still want to be as attractive and young and I got to thinking about how nice and flattering it would be to turn heads. WHAT???!!! I would never want to turn them for that reason. Why was I jealous of her? Sick I tell you, sick as can be! I overheard one of her friends tell the scantily clad girl that some guy was checking her out. This is when Fez got mad as he heard it too. He said he is so disgusted that they seemed to need this attention. He wondered out loud why her parents would let her wear that and whether she just felt unloved. He wondered if she had a father. He told me that I was beautiful and that I turn his head (so dang sweet!) and that his daughters will never, ever dress like that. AMEN to that. He also said that the girls on the OSU campus where he works dress very similarly to this and that he faces this kind of temptation day after day in the summer months. I never knew this and I became so grateful that his partner at work is a married Christian father of two girls as well and that they keep each other accountable in this area.
After dinner I went to the restroom. While in there I felt so burdened for this young girl. I said a prayer for her and asked God if there was anything He would have me say to her. Nothing came to mind and I walked out of the restaurant just shaking my head. I felt incensed that my husband has to face these kinds of situations and that these images are in his head, like it or not. Since then I have thought of a few things I would want to say.
Girls of the world, lend an ear! You may turn a lot of heads wearing clothes that show a lot of skin and show off your young bodies, but TRUST me this is not the attention you want. You look like a slut and people will treat you like a slut even if you are not. You will attract men that want to grope you and that is it. I promise you that if you will probably get hurt in relationships because the kind of men you will attract may not be considering your heart and mind You can turn heads wearing something pretty and modest. Watching you broke my heart. It really did. I am the mother of two daughters. Perhaps they will grow up to have killer bodies and gorgeous faces. No way will I allow them to leave my house looking like that. No way.
More than me not wanting them to dress like that and not allowing them to do so is only part of the story. I want them to want to dress more modestly. I want them to feel secure enough in their mind, heart and even physique to be able to cover themselves up and still feel beautiful and special. How does one do that? How do I raise a confident woman? All I know to do is pray a lot. Thank God that He is with me and I don't have to do this on my own. I want my girls to know their worth in Christ and to feel like they are enough just because of that. Lord Jesus, be near to these precious girls I am raising and help me to raise them up to honor you in all things.
Menu Week of May 26
A day late, a dollar short and 3 weeks behind. Whatevs. I'm fine with it. Here's my menu for the week!
Monday: Cold cut picnic! Ham and asiago sammies, smoked mozzerella pasta salad, kale salad, fruit salad and crostini crackers.
Tuesday: chicken stir fry over brown rice
Wednesday: Baked stuffed sole, roasted red poratoes, green salad
Thursday: Ham and cheese quiche
Friday: Burgers on the grill, corn on the cob and watermelon
Monday: Cold cut picnic! Ham and asiago sammies, smoked mozzerella pasta salad, kale salad, fruit salad and crostini crackers.
Tuesday: chicken stir fry over brown rice
Wednesday: Baked stuffed sole, roasted red poratoes, green salad
Thursday: Ham and cheese quiche
Friday: Burgers on the grill, corn on the cob and watermelon
Monday, May 5, 2014
Menu: Week of May 5
Over the weekend I don't think I really cooked at all. It was a nice break from that, but also it was nice to focus on other things. I even got to sleep in on Saturday because the kids were visiting my parents. It was bliss. Today is Monday though and we are back to reality. Here is what will be on our table this week:
Monday: Green enchilada casserole. So yummy!!
Tuesday: Stir fry black pepper chicken and rice
Wednesday: David will be off Wednesday doing work in the yard, but is going to smaoke a rib roast in our smoker! That's also small group night so our friends will bring the sides. Yummy!
Thursday: BBQ chicken, roasted potatoes, and spring peas.
Friday: We will be babysitting the nighbor kids and plan to grill out. Burgers, dogs, corn on the cob, and watermelon.
Monday: Green enchilada casserole. So yummy!!
Tuesday: Stir fry black pepper chicken and rice
Wednesday: David will be off Wednesday doing work in the yard, but is going to smaoke a rib roast in our smoker! That's also small group night so our friends will bring the sides. Yummy!
Thursday: BBQ chicken, roasted potatoes, and spring peas.
Friday: We will be babysitting the nighbor kids and plan to grill out. Burgers, dogs, corn on the cob, and watermelon.
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