When I lay my head down at night...

Maybe some of you stay-at-home momma's can identify with me here. Each day I spend my time doing a myriad of things that (from an outsider, ha even my own husband) look like nothing at all. In addition to asking myself at the end of the day what I've actually accomplished, I sometimes feel like I failed at the unseen things I did do. So today I decided that as time permits I'm going to write a list of all the things I've done in a day, seen and unseen. Here was what today looked like:

*Fed Emaline breakfast
*Read Emaline about 30 books
*Got in 50 minutes of exercise at the Y while Emaline played
*Babysat for Silas for an hour and fed two babies lunch
*Made a pot of chili
*Took a bath
*Cleaned the sink, toilet and mirror in the bathroom
*De-cluttered the guest room, the entryway and dining room
*Cleaned Em's high-chair and kitchen table
*Made a grocery list and meal plan for the coming week
*Watched an episode of The Office online (ok, that's not exactly productive...)
*Sang songs with Emaline
*Filled up a sippy cup 3 times
*Changed 4 diapers (so far)
*Written this here blog
*Caught up on Facebook (I know, I know)
*Checked up on my BFF who is in the hospital and told those awaiting info the scoop (and prayed about it continually)
*Read a portion of Ruth 4
*Mothered: this is intangible. As much as I want to label my activity this one just can't be labeled. All the loving embraces and thoughtful explanations or gentle corrections cannot be seen right away. They will show up later in the kind of woman she becomes. She is already making this mommy proud of what I've done so far. I have a smart, curious and tender toddler who loves people and loves to laugh. That's enough for me. I am a mother, I am her mother. Even if at the end of the day nothing else got done (kinda like Tuesday and Wednesday of this week) I hope I'd be able to say this is enough, because it is.

Maybe not the most productive day ever, but not too shabby either. Now when I lay down to go to sleep tonight I'll have this list and i think it just might help me.

My life is full.

Chicago...

I'm here in Chicago with two great friends. Today on the agenda is...sleeping until we wake up (which was 6:56 for me), working out, shopping until we drop and then get a nice dinner out. This is all in celebration of me hitting my goal weight. The only problem is, I still have 3 more pounds (depending on the scale. One says 180.5, the other 183). Oh well, close enough I guess. No, I'm not stopping, this weekend just worked for us. There are two girls with me and their names are Heather and Elisha. It was no accident that I wanted this shopping trip to be with the two of them. There have been so many people who have supported and encouraged me on this journey, none less than my wonderful husband, and I wish I could take all of them (you?) on a little getaway. During the day in and day out Elisha and Heather have been unwavering in their absolute belief that I can and would reach my goal. Both of these women came to the two big races of 2010 and believed in me throughout. Elisha even ran them with me! Both of these women listened to me cry, and complain, and vent and cheer about how excruciatingly wonderful this experience has been. Neither one of them ever made me feel like I was being selfish for spending so much time away from home taking care of this. Both of them thought I was beautiful even at 266 pounds (my largest in 2000). Both of these women have bragged about my accomplishment to their friends and family as if it was their own. Both of these women have celbrated the little milestones along the way. I wanted them here with me when I celebrated what has happened. It only made sense.

As I sit here on the 35th floor of a hotel suite in downtown Chicago I am overcome. This thing in my life that I have always deemed impossible to conquer now lay in the corner, dead. I killed it. I kicked it's ass. I'm still kicking it's ass. Yeah, yeah I've still got 3 or so pounds. I also think 175 i s a better goal. Today, I celebrate though. I celebrate that I am free from bondage and free from my own control. I am free to shop at stores that the other girls can go to. I am free to ride a roller coaster...and fit in the seat. I am free to eat in public without shame, free to eat with gusto and enjoyment. I am free to LIVE. Live in a body that I feel good in.

Now, it's off to the gym.