So tired of fighting...

I have been on this weight loss journey for 13 months now, and let me tell you, I'M TIRED OF FIGHTING. Everyday is a constant struggle within myself. Well, that's dramatic, but many days feel like a huge battle. I think maybe I'm just burning out, losing steam. If I'm perfectly honest I'd say I am almost always hungry. I'm on weight watchers, which works, but I feel like I'm always fighting the urge to eat. Admittedly sometimes I just want to eat, but most of the time I am just honest to God hungry. Going to the gym is also getting lower on my list of fun ways to spend my time. Like I said, I think I may be burning out. Maybe I should take a break. How can I do that now though when I'm so close to my goal? I think I'm going to just take a week off. I need it. The most difficult part is that I feel like this war is never going to end. I have come to realize that even when I get to that blessed number I will have to keep working to stay there. I won't get to stop trying and go back to old ways or else I'll be right back where I started. No, quitting isn't an option. I still want this, I still need this. My loved ones need it. Even more than all that, God has asked me to do it. Yes, I know that's a crazy bold statement, but for me it's true. I have always known my weight was a spiritual issue. I've felt "convicted" about it so many times, but have run away. Now is the time and I know it. I have felt the presence of God in every step of this road and know that now I need to keep at it, even though it's harder than ever.

I sometimes wonder when I'll feel like I'm done, when it's been enough. When I started I wanted 2 things: to weigh a certain amount, and wear a size 12. Well, I got one down, 7 more pounds to go and I still feel like a heifer. The truth is, I don't really see it. I look at myself on most days and see the hanging skin and the love handles and the spare tire and think I look pretty rough. Others see it and give me reassuring compliments, but I still don't see it. I even have a hard time buying the right size clothes, forgetting that this body is different. I don't need an XL anymore, I don't need plus sized tights, etc. I automatically go fo the old standards and forget! Yet, I am still not happy. I'm not sure what to do about it. I think so many women struggle in this area. I know I'm helthier and I surely feel better, but what's a girl to do when the mirror and the mind don't match?