This season

This season has been a hard one for my little family. Lots of little things adding up to some really stressful situations. Here's what has been going on.

One February 28th Eden was diagnosed with Nephrotic Syndrome, a rare kidney disease. It seems that she will make a full recovery, but there will be some rough days on the horizon. Part of that disease means that she has been on steroids for the past 5 weeks. OY VEY. They make her hungrier, more energetic, stronger (read: more aggressive) and also causes more sleep problems. Plus she has a very compromised immune system so we have been isolated. That all being said I am very grateful that she is doing so well and that the doctors were able to diagnose and treat her so well.

I had a real panic attack while at the hospital. So, yeah.

My husband has been working a lot more hours. He is at work 6 or 7 days a week and we miss him. His absence has come at a bad time in terms of Eden being ill. Doing it all alone and also not being able to do my normal things has made me feel a little, or a lot, nutty! They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but lately that has been anything but the truth. we are arguing a lot and feel disconnected.

We launched a small group with our awesome neighbors! This is actually very exciting and has been a tremendous faith builder for me as I sat back and watch as God orchestrated everything before my eyes. The timing is not what I would have picked, but it's what He is doing so we go with it. Since we are doing this that means we are no longer meeting with several of the people from our former small group and this is where the rub happens. It just plain bums me out!  I loved being with them and I will miss it tremendously.

I am recovering from the backlash of my big weight loss a few years ago. It was a big pendulum swing from what I used to do, but still very compulsive in nature. No longer was I eating myself into an oblivion, but I was forcing myself to over exercise and eating too little. Then the second pregnancy and I basically fried my metabolism. A fried metabolism plus a desire to lose weight makes for a lot of frustration, tears, anger and even depression. In an effort to get back down to my "goal" I made some craptastic decisions. There is hope and recovery, but it is anything but easy or fun!

This coming school year Emaline is eligible to start kindergarten. She will turn 5 on 9/15 and would be one of the youngest children in her class. I am not too keen on sending her, but my husband is. I have yet to get a clear answer out of him as to why he wants to do that, but I think a lot of it is financial which I understand. Sending her to preschool will cost us $215 a month. That is not cheap I know. This decision is weighing heavy on my mommy mind. I know it's not the end of the world if I make the "wrong" decision, but it feels like it. I am so dramatic! Ha!!

So, that's what is up. This si kind of a depressing post, but it's the truth of where I am. All that being said I am so grateful for the good things, and the hard things. God has been closer than skin to me lately and has been revealing himself to me in very real and tangible ways. He is always so good, even when things are rough, especially even.