i'm starting to really need my daily run now. what?! yesterday i ran about 4 miles and during it i really enjoyed it, which is rare. usually i get through it for the feeling i get when i'm done! at this point i'm not sure what (if anything) i'm training for, i'm just doing it for me. emaline has accompanied me in her jogging stroller a few times, and she like it too! plus, now that i'm not watching pip i have a lot more time during the day to run which means more time with david!!
there is something empowering for me in it. i feel strong and powerful when i run. it helps me tell off that voice in my mind that says to me "you're too fat to do this" and "you're not really an athlete" or "you're just going to gain all that weight back, so why bother?" when i run i feel like i can tell that voice (myself, really) to screw off. no, i'm not too fat to do this, I"M DOING IT NOW. no, i am an athlete , I DID A TRIATHLON (3 of em, but who's counting...?), no, i'm not going to gain all that weight back, I'M STRONGER THAN THAT. and, so what if i do? my worth is not about a number on a scale. this is why i run. i run for my daughter who needs a confident and strong mommy. i run for my husband because he loved me when i was fat and miserable and loves me just the same now that i'm not. but mostly, i run so i can tell myself that i can do anything. if i can run, i can do anything.
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