What if...

Lately I have been experiencing some new freedom. It's counter cultural and is really challenging what I have always accepted as the truth. What if what I have always believed about my body was a lie? What if:

It was alright to love to eat?
My hunger was not something to be ashamed of?
I didn't need to be a certain weight?
I ate healthful food until I was full and became comfortable with the number on the scale?
I could be beautiful and attractive and a size with 2 digits?
Having skin removal surgery wasn't a must because I was ok with what remained?
I looked in the mirror and focused solely on what I love about my body?
Eating was only for nourishing myself and not to fill some kind of hole?
Eating wasn't just about fuel, but connection with others?
I could eat all the food I want in front of others?
I never had to count points again?
I stopped eating when I was full?
My knee jerk reaction to emotions wasn't to open my refrigerator?

 
"If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us—sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them." The Promises from AA

This is happening to me and it is a miracle. This is different than it has ever been. I am eating, I am exercising and I am not obsessed with either. Certainly there are moments when I feel weak, but I am learning not to fight but to surrender to win, to overcome. I am learning that for today there are certain foods that I should avoid because for some reason they are like poison to my mind. Instead of feeling deprived I feel full and I feel sane. After years and years and years of feast or famine it feels like such a gift to be sustained.