8 years

Yesterday David and I celebrated eight years of marriage. Eight years ago I was a naive and starry eyed bride, like many brides before and after me. I had very little idea of what marriage would really be like. Sure, people told me it was hard but I just couldn't grasp what they meant by that. Maybe they struggled, but David and I really loved each other. Not only that, but how could it be so hard when you got to have sex?! We waited (with several close calls) until our wedding night to have "marital relations" and I thought we would be immune to certain troubles because of that. To a point that has been true, but mostly I was just naive. I wrote this on my Facebook wall yesterday and wanted to add it here so I could easily find it.

"So few things about the last 8 years of marriage have been as I expected. They have been infinitely more difficult, but also much more beautiful. We have had stupid fights and really ugly ones. We have held our sick baby and trembled with fear. We have held our healthy babies and marveled at the undeserved goodness. We have disagreed on everything from how to discipline a strong willed child to how to load the dishwasher best. Our faith has unraveled and lost all meaning, but together we found something deeper and real on which we stand. We aren't perfect, beyond reproach or temptation. We are partners, best friends and we are committed. I love my husband with all of me and in the light and grace of Jesus. I know we are better together."

I never thought I would want to leave. Not just get in my car and drive away for an hour to cool off, but literally wanting to throw in the towel.  I never thought I would want to leave unless my husband cheated on me or became addicted to some poisonous substance, but I have. I have been so outraged by the little things turning into big things that I couldn't tell if it would ever work between us. I never thought I was capable of being so dreadful either. That I could say and do some of the cold and viscous things that I have. Marriage has brought out my ugliest character defects and shone a spotlight on them. No, it hasn't been easy. But we have stayed and we will stay because we want to. Not just because there is so much love and history, but because each day we choose each other.

There is so very much to be said about building a life with another person and about birthing and raising a family with them. The level of intimacy I share with my husband is so beautiful it feels like the sun...you can't really look directly at it. It's a mind blowing intensity. Even though it is so beautiful and my heart about exploded with love for my man, the first year after we became parents was one of our hardest. Another hard year was the one after Eden was born. Transitions are never easy and we tend to find that kind of transition tricky. Mostly because we have to navigate what it looks like to carve out time for our relationship amid all the other demands. Challenge! As hard as it can be I have to say that watching my husband parent our girls has brought unspeakable joy to my heart. They are two blessed little ladies and they know it. I did good picking a daddy for my children. 

We went out on a date last night and our time together was a perfect snapshot of who and what we are together. We got in an argument that left me saying "call your mom and tell her not to come. I don't even want to go anywhere with you." Which then turned into me apologizing, then him apologizing. Then we got ready to go and we thought the other was so hot that we were ready to go at it before we walked out the door. At dinner we both cried as we talked about what God is showing us in our lives. In the car "U Can't Touch This" by MC Hammer came on the radio and we busted a gut rapping with each other. We then went to the same place where we became a couple and reminisced about that day nearly ten years ago and laughed and smiled about how precious it was. We hugged. We kissed. We laughed. We cried. We fought. All in one date. Such is our beautiful, real, imperfect life together that I wouldn't trade for anything.