So, are you guys going to try for that boy?

This question makes me crazy. CRAZY. It does so so for many reasons.

First of all, who says I want to try for one more baby? Not me. I love pregnancy and birth and I love my children, but I think I'm all done. I've had two cesareans, and while many women have great experiences having 3 even 4 of them, I don't think that's a good option for me. I had a hard time healing after the first one and I don't want to chance it again. That being said I don't think I would have a third baby even if I had been able to have a vaginal birth with Eden. I have a story to illustrate my point. A few moths ago just after we moved into our new home Emaline and I were down in the basement pulling out Christmas decor. She found the baby bouncer chair and pulled the little toy that makes a song play. I heard the song and all of a sudden my heart started racing and I got anxious. The reason I felt that way is because when my babies were newborns that sound meant they were discontent and about to need nursed/changed/held etc. The music made me nervous that someone needed me urgently RIGHT NOW and I realized that the idea of a newborn made me feel anxiety. I didn't think about the sweetness, or the smells or their tiny bodies, I thought about work. And sleeplessness. I think that says a lot.

We also plan to adopt soon. Well, relatively soon. We're taking our time and trying to be obedient to the Lord in this. To be honest sometimes I don't want to do this at all. the money and commitment are enough to send me running the other way. However, God has made it clear to us that we are to follow Him and we believe He is leading us toward adoption.

Lastly, if I did have another baby I would be more than happy with another girl. Take that, world. I love having girls and I know about girls. I have all girl stuff. My husband is a tremendous father to girls. In fact, I believe 100% that he is the reason God gave us two girls. David is an amazing daddy of daughters and I know my girls will have a leg up in life because he was their Daddy. They will know their worth and know how they are to be treated because of his earthly example of love and leadership. He would also be great with a boy, but even he said it makes sense for him to be surrounded by women. He loves it.  Also, who says my girls are going to be pink wearing ballerinas or my son will love dirt and ball? We have children to raise them into God loving, kind, caring adults, not to make little miniature versions of ourselves.

I feel better now!