Small Grouo

Starting at the beginning of April David and I started co-hosting/co-leading a small group through our church, Vineyard Columbus. This is such an answer to prayer for me as a wife. There were several years when my dear husband (and I) were walking in a desert place and I wondered what would ever come of it. When the church we helped plant crumbled we were jaded, wounded, angry, cynical and doubtful about the whole Jesus thing. Alas, God was with us even when we ignored Him and He carries us through that time. I won't speak for David, but I know that walking through that time was hard but it was good. It was good because after I unpacked everything I thought I knew I came back to Jesus and entered into a real relationship with Him. Of course I am not perfect by any means, but my love for Jesus is real, palpable and I believe He is alive in me and in others. It's a good place to be.

That being said, I had some anxiety about leading a small group. Even though we worked through a lot of our baggage from our past church experiences, some of that stuff came up again as we prepared. There were a few classes we needed to take and in those classes we talked about our past experiences leading and with church and it was hard! I was surprised by my emotion, especially about Landing Place. I hear those two words and I have an almost guttural reaction. So much of my life is the way it is because of my time at 64 King Avenue. I do not regret it one bit, but there are some very real feeling of failure as I think about our Franklinton church plant and even about how in the days and months before Mark died I made my religion link directly to Mark's earthly physical healing and when that did not happen I was at a loss for what to do with my spiritual life. David and I helped start an LP group in Franklinton, but it wasn't about Jesus. It was about Mark. It was about carrying on by sheer will. It was about living out his vision. It was a distraction from our exhausting grief, even a distraction from facing God after He chose not o heal Mark in the way we wanted. I have worked through many of these things, but the enemy wants to remind me of it and the way it failed. I have learned though that success isn't about anything other than obedience. We feel strongly that God is calling us to do this at this time. That is for sure, it has been very faith building to watch God unfold all of this in His timing. Yet, there is some trepidation for sure.

It has already been messy. It has already been beautiful. God has been ever present with us as we follow and trust Him. I am excited about what He is doing and I choose to keep Him as the center though it all.