I had a birthday on Sunday and I turned 32. It was just an OK birthday. Not great, not bad. My mind was flooded with kind of melancholy thoughts all day long.
The thing that gets me is that 32 is older than my brother Mark died. He was about 5 weeks shy of turning 32 when he took his last breath. At that time I was just 24 years old, and I thought 31 seemed kind of "up there". I imagined what I would be doing when I was 32. I just can't believe that now I am older than he was when his life was ending. I feel like there is so much more to do and so many more thing I'd love to see. Mark had a little boy, about Emaline's age. He had a young wife who wanted to grow old with him. He had a community that needed his leadership and wisdom. He had friends that would miss his jokes and the sound of his voice. I miss him always, but turning 32 made me a little heart sick.
I am eager for Christ to return and reveal the fullness of His Kingdom.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Tom
My grandpa Tom is in the hospital in the last stages of heart failure. He is all the way in south Georgia and I can't get there to see him, but he is not far from my mind. I wish I could go and see him and hear him tell me stories about our trip to Australia or to hear him say his coined phrase "I hate old people". He's a wonderful, caring, tough, funny man who I love dearly.
The thing about him that I want to always remember is that to him family is not just about blood relation. He is not biologically my grandpa. Not in any way. He is the step father of my step mother, but he is my grandpa just as Betty is my mother. His story of becoming Bettys dad is one that makes me shake me head and smile.
In 1961 he met a woman, my step grandma, name Betty Fremont. Betty had 9 children (one of them my 8 year old step mom, also named Betty) and had been widowed not once but twice. She was older than him by a few years and like I said before she had 9 children. Tom had never been married and had no children, but he took a chance on Betty Fremont. They dated and decided to marry. 50 years ago on February 20, 1963 they were married. Together they had 3 more children, moved from Texas to Florida to Virginia and then finally to Georgia where they still live today. I hear them tell it and I just can't believe that a handsome young fella like Tom was willing to take on a woman with 9 children! He was in love and he also loved those kids. He was there father in every sense of the word. He is their father and he taught them so much about loving people as family even if they were not family. In a big sense he helped make Betty as willing to love and embrace 2 young kids who needed the love she had to give. I am forever grateful to Thomas Salter for that and for so many other things.
In 1998 I had the privilege to travel with him for 3 weeks to Australia! It truly was a trip of a lifetime and I am so thankful to have shared it with him. He was stationed in Australia in the Navy in the late 1950's and he was and excellent tour guide! I learned so much from him and about him in those weeks. Each time I see him we reminisce about our time down under and crack inside jokes about our trip.
He is such a joy in my life and I have a heavy heart as I pray and wait for news that will shock and sadden me deeply, even though I know what is coming. People can't live forever. We are all mortal. Yet it is still so hard and feels tragic even when a life ends after years of happiness and fulfillment. Tom knows Jesus intimately and I know the Lord is his shepherd.
I love you forever, Tom.
The thing about him that I want to always remember is that to him family is not just about blood relation. He is not biologically my grandpa. Not in any way. He is the step father of my step mother, but he is my grandpa just as Betty is my mother. His story of becoming Bettys dad is one that makes me shake me head and smile.
In 1961 he met a woman, my step grandma, name Betty Fremont. Betty had 9 children (one of them my 8 year old step mom, also named Betty) and had been widowed not once but twice. She was older than him by a few years and like I said before she had 9 children. Tom had never been married and had no children, but he took a chance on Betty Fremont. They dated and decided to marry. 50 years ago on February 20, 1963 they were married. Together they had 3 more children, moved from Texas to Florida to Virginia and then finally to Georgia where they still live today. I hear them tell it and I just can't believe that a handsome young fella like Tom was willing to take on a woman with 9 children! He was in love and he also loved those kids. He was there father in every sense of the word. He is their father and he taught them so much about loving people as family even if they were not family. In a big sense he helped make Betty as willing to love and embrace 2 young kids who needed the love she had to give. I am forever grateful to Thomas Salter for that and for so many other things.
In 1998 I had the privilege to travel with him for 3 weeks to Australia! It truly was a trip of a lifetime and I am so thankful to have shared it with him. He was stationed in Australia in the Navy in the late 1950's and he was and excellent tour guide! I learned so much from him and about him in those weeks. Each time I see him we reminisce about our time down under and crack inside jokes about our trip.
He is such a joy in my life and I have a heavy heart as I pray and wait for news that will shock and sadden me deeply, even though I know what is coming. People can't live forever. We are all mortal. Yet it is still so hard and feels tragic even when a life ends after years of happiness and fulfillment. Tom knows Jesus intimately and I know the Lord is his shepherd.
I love you forever, Tom.
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Mud pies
"We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about
with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an
ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he
cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We
are far too easily pleased."
~ The Weight of Glory
This quote has been rolling around my brain for days now after reading it. Recently I have been forced to face some of my own shortcomings. Battles that have raged war in my mind and for my heart for years and years. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find real freedom from those thoughts and actions this side of heaven. One part of me says no. Nope, you will just struggle forever. We each have our burdens to bear and our scars from living in the world. Yet there is another side that says yes. YES! You can be free! Jesus died for your ransom from this prison in your mind. You don't have to be in jail, you have been given the key and you have to let yourself out through the blood of the lamb. Sometimes I think the only thing getting in my way is me. I want to know the tools to get out of my way.
This quote makes me really think that maybe, just maybe, God wants more for me here. Right now. Not just in eternity, but right now.
~ The Weight of Glory
This quote has been rolling around my brain for days now after reading it. Recently I have been forced to face some of my own shortcomings. Battles that have raged war in my mind and for my heart for years and years. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever find real freedom from those thoughts and actions this side of heaven. One part of me says no. Nope, you will just struggle forever. We each have our burdens to bear and our scars from living in the world. Yet there is another side that says yes. YES! You can be free! Jesus died for your ransom from this prison in your mind. You don't have to be in jail, you have been given the key and you have to let yourself out through the blood of the lamb. Sometimes I think the only thing getting in my way is me. I want to know the tools to get out of my way.
This quote makes me really think that maybe, just maybe, God wants more for me here. Right now. Not just in eternity, but right now.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
"Motherhood brings as much joy as ever, but it still brings boredom,
exhaustion, and sorrow too. Nothing else ever will make you as happy or
as sad, as proud or as tired, for nothing is quite as hard as helping a
person develop his own individuality especially while you struggle to
keep your own." -- Marguerite Kelly and Elia Parsons
So, are you guys going to try for that boy?
This question makes me crazy. CRAZY. It does so so for many reasons.
First of all, who says I want to try for one more baby? Not me. I love pregnancy and birth and I love my children, but I think I'm all done. I've had two cesareans, and while many women have great experiences having 3 even 4 of them, I don't think that's a good option for me. I had a hard time healing after the first one and I don't want to chance it again. That being said I don't think I would have a third baby even if I had been able to have a vaginal birth with Eden. I have a story to illustrate my point. A few moths ago just after we moved into our new home Emaline and I were down in the basement pulling out Christmas decor. She found the baby bouncer chair and pulled the little toy that makes a song play. I heard the song and all of a sudden my heart started racing and I got anxious. The reason I felt that way is because when my babies were newborns that sound meant they were discontent and about to need nursed/changed/held etc. The music made me nervous that someone needed me urgently RIGHT NOW and I realized that the idea of a newborn made me feel anxiety. I didn't think about the sweetness, or the smells or their tiny bodies, I thought about work. And sleeplessness. I think that says a lot.
We also plan to adopt soon. Well, relatively soon. We're taking our time and trying to be obedient to the Lord in this. To be honest sometimes I don't want to do this at all. the money and commitment are enough to send me running the other way. However, God has made it clear to us that we are to follow Him and we believe He is leading us toward adoption.
Lastly, if I did have another baby I would be more than happy with another girl. Take that, world. I love having girls and I know about girls. I have all girl stuff. My husband is a tremendous father to girls. In fact, I believe 100% that he is the reason God gave us two girls. David is an amazing daddy of daughters and I know my girls will have a leg up in life because he was their Daddy. They will know their worth and know how they are to be treated because of his earthly example of love and leadership. He would also be great with a boy, but even he said it makes sense for him to be surrounded by women. He loves it. Also, who says my girls are going to be pink wearing ballerinas or my son will love dirt and ball? We have children to raise them into God loving, kind, caring adults, not to make little miniature versions of ourselves.
I feel better now!
First of all, who says I want to try for one more baby? Not me. I love pregnancy and birth and I love my children, but I think I'm all done. I've had two cesareans, and while many women have great experiences having 3 even 4 of them, I don't think that's a good option for me. I had a hard time healing after the first one and I don't want to chance it again. That being said I don't think I would have a third baby even if I had been able to have a vaginal birth with Eden. I have a story to illustrate my point. A few moths ago just after we moved into our new home Emaline and I were down in the basement pulling out Christmas decor. She found the baby bouncer chair and pulled the little toy that makes a song play. I heard the song and all of a sudden my heart started racing and I got anxious. The reason I felt that way is because when my babies were newborns that sound meant they were discontent and about to need nursed/changed/held etc. The music made me nervous that someone needed me urgently RIGHT NOW and I realized that the idea of a newborn made me feel anxiety. I didn't think about the sweetness, or the smells or their tiny bodies, I thought about work. And sleeplessness. I think that says a lot.
We also plan to adopt soon. Well, relatively soon. We're taking our time and trying to be obedient to the Lord in this. To be honest sometimes I don't want to do this at all. the money and commitment are enough to send me running the other way. However, God has made it clear to us that we are to follow Him and we believe He is leading us toward adoption.
Lastly, if I did have another baby I would be more than happy with another girl. Take that, world. I love having girls and I know about girls. I have all girl stuff. My husband is a tremendous father to girls. In fact, I believe 100% that he is the reason God gave us two girls. David is an amazing daddy of daughters and I know my girls will have a leg up in life because he was their Daddy. They will know their worth and know how they are to be treated because of his earthly example of love and leadership. He would also be great with a boy, but even he said it makes sense for him to be surrounded by women. He loves it. Also, who says my girls are going to be pink wearing ballerinas or my son will love dirt and ball? We have children to raise them into God loving, kind, caring adults, not to make little miniature versions of ourselves.
I feel better now!
Monday, February 11, 2013
1
My Eden Elizabeth is turning one year old in a week. Sigh. I can hardly imagine that it's been that long. What a bittersweet milestone it is when your baby turns one. Since the beginning of February I have been thinking about what I was doing one short year ago and as this week approcahed the memories become more and more vivid.
She is my love bug, my barnacle, as we lovingly call her. She is all about her momma and I love it...most of the time. She is sweet and affectionate, yet fiercely independent when she wants to be.
All week I plan on remembering, celebrating, crying a little and trying to old time still. I am pretty positive Eden will be the last baby I give birth to and that makes this milestone extra hard on me.
She is my love bug, my barnacle, as we lovingly call her. She is all about her momma and I love it...most of the time. She is sweet and affectionate, yet fiercely independent when she wants to be.
All week I plan on remembering, celebrating, crying a little and trying to old time still. I am pretty positive Eden will be the last baby I give birth to and that makes this milestone extra hard on me.
Monday, December 31, 2012
A year in review: 2012
Well, I didn't blog much this year. So I will wrap up the year with a review of the last year of my life.
January: January came in rather warm for Ohio. Normally I love to hibernate and let the snow fly, but this year I was thankful for the lack of ice. It's hard enough to waddle around big and pregnant, let alone with ice on the ground! On the 31st I had my home visit with Michelle and Kathy and felt really ready for the new arrival.
February: On the 17th I woke up to a flood of amniotic fluid and the following day at 4:22 pm. I gave birth to my love Eden Elizabeth. Her birth transformed and healed me in big ways and I fell in love all over again. She has been such a delight and such a reflection of God's promises to me, His child. It's only fitting that her name mean paradise/God's promise.
March: March was pretty average. Not much going on, except for learning how to juggle 2 babies!
April: In April we celebrated Easter as a family of 4 and it was a great Holiday. Probably one of my favorites to date. Emaline also got a miserable ear infection and hand foot and mouth disease. Ick.
May: David turned the big 3-0! We celebrated quietly, per his request. This month we also started looking for a new home in earnest. That was both a fun and annoying experience. Thank God for Stratton Alt!
June: David traveled with the young adults to Norther Ireland for 2 weeks. God worked in and through him in big ways and my husband came home changed for the better. I missed him terribly, but we made it! During that time the girls and I headed to FL with my family for 5 days of sun and surf. What a fun trip!
July: On the 24th my girl Emaline broke her arm. It was a rough night in the ER requiring sedation, but she made it. It could be much worse, but it was rough on her...and us. I also turned 31 and began packing for our move. July was hotter than Hades and I was pretty miserable!
August: David and I finally told God we were "all in" and decided to move forward to adopt a child. We made contact and began the process with Spirit of Faith adoptions. We are in the early stages still, but plan to move ahead in 2013. I am excited and terrified. In the same week we also found a home, put in an offer and went into contract! Whew, that was a busy week. The end of that week Kelli turned 31 and we celebrated at Molly's and that night was a highlight of my summer. Great time with lovely loves. On the 25th my cousin Katie married her longtime man Zachary. Emaline was a flower girl! She did a great job and loved every minute of it! David and I had fun dancing the night away.
September: On the 9th David and I celebrated 6 years of marriage. What a great 6 years it's been. Not always easy, not always fun, but always good. He is for me, and I for him. We celebrated our Emaline Joy's birth by having a huge train themed bash at the farm. Many special friends and family members came and we all had a grand time! On the 14th we closed on our house! That very day we left for WV to attend the wedding of Holly and Joel! What a celebration of love that was!
October: Emaline had surgery to put in tubes and remove her adenoids on the 10th. She was a model patient and did great. Life has been easier since this surgery for her. No more ear infections. My friend Amanda married her military man Dan Hayes on 10/12. It was such a beautiful day and so much fun to be with old friends! We finally moved into our new house on the 21st. It was an easy move and we had lots of help. We settled quickly in and have loved our new hometown. Trick-or-treat was not so fun in the rain, but we had fun anyway. My little angel and clown were a hit.
November: This month I never really saw my hubby because he was readying our old house for the new tenants. He got it all done though and I'm thankful for that. We traveled to Georgia for Thanksgiving for 4 days of family fun. the girls did well in the car. Dare I say better than their parents? Ha! Thanksgiving was fun though. Very warm and sunny with good food and great people.
Emaline also started school at All Saints Preschool. Girlfriend loves it so much!
December: My mom, aunts Jathy and Teri, my grandma and my girls traveled to Indiana to use a family friends' cabin for 4 days. It was probably the autumn highlight. So relaxing and fun! I look forward to this becoming an annual trip! Christmas was extra special this year. We spent the majority of it at our home. It was Eden's first one and she seemed to love it. We really focused on spending time together as a family during Advent. It was a bright season indeed.
Happy new year!
January: January came in rather warm for Ohio. Normally I love to hibernate and let the snow fly, but this year I was thankful for the lack of ice. It's hard enough to waddle around big and pregnant, let alone with ice on the ground! On the 31st I had my home visit with Michelle and Kathy and felt really ready for the new arrival.
February: On the 17th I woke up to a flood of amniotic fluid and the following day at 4:22 pm. I gave birth to my love Eden Elizabeth. Her birth transformed and healed me in big ways and I fell in love all over again. She has been such a delight and such a reflection of God's promises to me, His child. It's only fitting that her name mean paradise/God's promise.
March: March was pretty average. Not much going on, except for learning how to juggle 2 babies!
April: In April we celebrated Easter as a family of 4 and it was a great Holiday. Probably one of my favorites to date. Emaline also got a miserable ear infection and hand foot and mouth disease. Ick.
May: David turned the big 3-0! We celebrated quietly, per his request. This month we also started looking for a new home in earnest. That was both a fun and annoying experience. Thank God for Stratton Alt!
June: David traveled with the young adults to Norther Ireland for 2 weeks. God worked in and through him in big ways and my husband came home changed for the better. I missed him terribly, but we made it! During that time the girls and I headed to FL with my family for 5 days of sun and surf. What a fun trip!
July: On the 24th my girl Emaline broke her arm. It was a rough night in the ER requiring sedation, but she made it. It could be much worse, but it was rough on her...and us. I also turned 31 and began packing for our move. July was hotter than Hades and I was pretty miserable!
August: David and I finally told God we were "all in" and decided to move forward to adopt a child. We made contact and began the process with Spirit of Faith adoptions. We are in the early stages still, but plan to move ahead in 2013. I am excited and terrified. In the same week we also found a home, put in an offer and went into contract! Whew, that was a busy week. The end of that week Kelli turned 31 and we celebrated at Molly's and that night was a highlight of my summer. Great time with lovely loves. On the 25th my cousin Katie married her longtime man Zachary. Emaline was a flower girl! She did a great job and loved every minute of it! David and I had fun dancing the night away.
September: On the 9th David and I celebrated 6 years of marriage. What a great 6 years it's been. Not always easy, not always fun, but always good. He is for me, and I for him. We celebrated our Emaline Joy's birth by having a huge train themed bash at the farm. Many special friends and family members came and we all had a grand time! On the 14th we closed on our house! That very day we left for WV to attend the wedding of Holly and Joel! What a celebration of love that was!
October: Emaline had surgery to put in tubes and remove her adenoids on the 10th. She was a model patient and did great. Life has been easier since this surgery for her. No more ear infections. My friend Amanda married her military man Dan Hayes on 10/12. It was such a beautiful day and so much fun to be with old friends! We finally moved into our new house on the 21st. It was an easy move and we had lots of help. We settled quickly in and have loved our new hometown. Trick-or-treat was not so fun in the rain, but we had fun anyway. My little angel and clown were a hit.
November: This month I never really saw my hubby because he was readying our old house for the new tenants. He got it all done though and I'm thankful for that. We traveled to Georgia for Thanksgiving for 4 days of family fun. the girls did well in the car. Dare I say better than their parents? Ha! Thanksgiving was fun though. Very warm and sunny with good food and great people.
Emaline also started school at All Saints Preschool. Girlfriend loves it so much!
December: My mom, aunts Jathy and Teri, my grandma and my girls traveled to Indiana to use a family friends' cabin for 4 days. It was probably the autumn highlight. So relaxing and fun! I look forward to this becoming an annual trip! Christmas was extra special this year. We spent the majority of it at our home. It was Eden's first one and she seemed to love it. We really focused on spending time together as a family during Advent. It was a bright season indeed.
Happy new year!
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