It is no secret if you know me that I really enjoy food. In my life I have read countless cookbooks as if they were a novel. Heck, I even like sopping for the food. In an effort to remember these days of life I want to begin posting my weekly meal plan here. The goal would be to post it every Monday, but my tack record of posting is not so hot! We shall see. Here goes week 1:
Monday: Homemade pizza, veggies and dip.
Tuesday: Chicken quinoa chili (A fave that we don't eat much in the summer, but tomorrow will be 40)
Wednesday: Small group night, and I will be baking a ham
Thursday: Sweet potato black bean burritos
Friday: Chicken vegetable stir fry
One thing I deeply enjoy is feeding my family real, nourishing foods. One the weekends we eat out a few times and keep it simple or eat leftovers.
Monday, April 14, 2014
Monday, April 7, 2014
So about the babe inside...
***I drafted this over 2 years ago and just stumbled on it again. I thought I would post it now as it still rings true!
When I had just had Emaline and was processing my pregnancy and her birth I had an overwhelming belief that she was "born for me". What I think that means is that she was (partly) born to be my gentle teacher, to rub off the calloused parts of me and to force me to look into the darkest corners of my soul for her. It also means that I had her because I felt ready to be a mother and to have a child. These beliefs bring my both comfort and a sense of guilt. That sounds a tad selfish, no? This does NOT mean that I think my daughter was born just so I could learn these things from her. No siree! I believe that her purpose in this world will reach far, far past her mother. I have no idea what that purpose is, but I have no doubt that it is wonderful.
I also have no idea about what the baby growing in my womb is coming to Earth for. All I know is that choosing to conceive him/her sort of chose us. I figured we would like to have more than one child if were so blessed to be able to so the idea of a second pregnancy and birth was always on our radar. It's just that in the same way that I believe Emaline was "born for me" I believe this child is "born for everyone else".
When I had just had Emaline and was processing my pregnancy and her birth I had an overwhelming belief that she was "born for me". What I think that means is that she was (partly) born to be my gentle teacher, to rub off the calloused parts of me and to force me to look into the darkest corners of my soul for her. It also means that I had her because I felt ready to be a mother and to have a child. These beliefs bring my both comfort and a sense of guilt. That sounds a tad selfish, no? This does NOT mean that I think my daughter was born just so I could learn these things from her. No siree! I believe that her purpose in this world will reach far, far past her mother. I have no idea what that purpose is, but I have no doubt that it is wonderful.
I also have no idea about what the baby growing in my womb is coming to Earth for. All I know is that choosing to conceive him/her sort of chose us. I figured we would like to have more than one child if were so blessed to be able to so the idea of a second pregnancy and birth was always on our radar. It's just that in the same way that I believe Emaline was "born for me" I believe this child is "born for everyone else".
Garden
Spring is upon us! Every year I think it would be a great idea to plant a vegetable garden. My family can eat vegetables at the speed of light and we are at the grocery/farmers market 2-3 times a week! The thing is though, I am not a gardener. I don't enjoy it really. First off, I hate to be hot! Ha! That's ridiculous but very true. I also have no idea what in the world I am doing. My parents are gardeners and keep a HUGE vegetable garden at their farm and an amazing flower garden at their home. They did not really teach me about it though as they got into it after all the kids were out of the house.
I want to try though. I love the idea of going out into my backyard and getting inspiration about what to make for dinner. At our old house in Franklinton we had neighbors who were avid gardeners and gave me free reign over their fruits and veggies. To this day Emaline asks if we can plant a raspberry bush like what we had at our old house. Two single guys lived there and could never keep up with all the bounty they had and so I would harvest it, cook or preserve it and feed them along with my own family. I miss that set up!
If only I can get my dear husband to get on board!
I want to try though. I love the idea of going out into my backyard and getting inspiration about what to make for dinner. At our old house in Franklinton we had neighbors who were avid gardeners and gave me free reign over their fruits and veggies. To this day Emaline asks if we can plant a raspberry bush like what we had at our old house. Two single guys lived there and could never keep up with all the bounty they had and so I would harvest it, cook or preserve it and feed them along with my own family. I miss that set up!
If only I can get my dear husband to get on board!
Sunday, April 6, 2014
Ramblings
I feel a ramble coming on. For days, weeks maybe, I have felt something within me wanting to get out. Thoughts I am having need to be put down and this is the outlet I'm choosing. I am just going to write, it may not make sense, and that's ok.
I don't want to do "this". I am selfish and tired and I want more out of my days. I feel like I am angry all the time, that I resent my family and that all I really want to do is get out of my house, my minivan, the monotony. This was everything I always said I wanted, but right now, lately, it is suffocating me. I AM SO SELFISH.
My brain doesn't know how to work anymore. I feel like I haven't used my mind for anything. I want to have passions in my life, a vocation that I feel inspired by. I miss my clients and I miss working. Being with adults was wonderful and I miss it. This motherhood thing is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I thought it was all fun and that somehow when I would become a mother my desires and dreams would all center around my kids and husband, but that didn't happen.
I want to teach fitness classes. I want to learn more about diet and nutrition. I want to attend classes and get another degree. I want to go away on business and I want to go to a meeting. I want to go on a road trip alone, just me, some music and no agenda. I want to drive and see things and not have to worry about anyone else needing a nap, or a snack. Just me to worry about.
I am wildly selfish and entitled. I feel guilty about that, but it's the truth.
I want to eat what I want. How does anyone eat a delicious meal and stop themselves from eating the whole lot of it and not sit there and fixate on it. Food calls to me. It beckons me. I am angry that I can't just eat as much as I want without paying the consequences for it. The feeling of being thin was wonderful and I want it back.
My poor husband can't do anything right and I expect so much out of him and I know he is frustrated with me. I rely on him too much perhaps, I don't know. I am just worn out and tired and I don't enjoy several aspects of this stage of motherhood and I hope that someday soon I get to feel like me again. I feel a little crazy and sometimes I get so angry/sad/bewildered that I think smoke will indeed start pouring from my ears at any moment.
I don't want to do "this". I am selfish and tired and I want more out of my days. I feel like I am angry all the time, that I resent my family and that all I really want to do is get out of my house, my minivan, the monotony. This was everything I always said I wanted, but right now, lately, it is suffocating me. I AM SO SELFISH.
My brain doesn't know how to work anymore. I feel like I haven't used my mind for anything. I want to have passions in my life, a vocation that I feel inspired by. I miss my clients and I miss working. Being with adults was wonderful and I miss it. This motherhood thing is so much harder than I ever imagined it would be. I thought it was all fun and that somehow when I would become a mother my desires and dreams would all center around my kids and husband, but that didn't happen.
I want to teach fitness classes. I want to learn more about diet and nutrition. I want to attend classes and get another degree. I want to go away on business and I want to go to a meeting. I want to go on a road trip alone, just me, some music and no agenda. I want to drive and see things and not have to worry about anyone else needing a nap, or a snack. Just me to worry about.
I am wildly selfish and entitled. I feel guilty about that, but it's the truth.
I want to eat what I want. How does anyone eat a delicious meal and stop themselves from eating the whole lot of it and not sit there and fixate on it. Food calls to me. It beckons me. I am angry that I can't just eat as much as I want without paying the consequences for it. The feeling of being thin was wonderful and I want it back.
My poor husband can't do anything right and I expect so much out of him and I know he is frustrated with me. I rely on him too much perhaps, I don't know. I am just worn out and tired and I don't enjoy several aspects of this stage of motherhood and I hope that someday soon I get to feel like me again. I feel a little crazy and sometimes I get so angry/sad/bewildered that I think smoke will indeed start pouring from my ears at any moment.
This season
This season has been a hard one for my little family. Lots of little things adding up to some really stressful situations. Here's what has been going on.
One February 28th Eden was diagnosed with Nephrotic Syndrome, a rare kidney disease. It seems that she will make a full recovery, but there will be some rough days on the horizon. Part of that disease means that she has been on steroids for the past 5 weeks. OY VEY. They make her hungrier, more energetic, stronger (read: more aggressive) and also causes more sleep problems. Plus she has a very compromised immune system so we have been isolated. That all being said I am very grateful that she is doing so well and that the doctors were able to diagnose and treat her so well.
I had a real panic attack while at the hospital. So, yeah.
My husband has been working a lot more hours. He is at work 6 or 7 days a week and we miss him. His absence has come at a bad time in terms of Eden being ill. Doing it all alone and also not being able to do my normal things has made me feel a little, or a lot, nutty! They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but lately that has been anything but the truth. we are arguing a lot and feel disconnected.
We launched a small group with our awesome neighbors! This is actually very exciting and has been a tremendous faith builder for me as I sat back and watch as God orchestrated everything before my eyes. The timing is not what I would have picked, but it's what He is doing so we go with it. Since we are doing this that means we are no longer meeting with several of the people from our former small group and this is where the rub happens. It just plain bums me out! I loved being with them and I will miss it tremendously.
I am recovering from the backlash of my big weight loss a few years ago. It was a big pendulum swing from what I used to do, but still very compulsive in nature. No longer was I eating myself into an oblivion, but I was forcing myself to over exercise and eating too little. Then the second pregnancy and I basically fried my metabolism. A fried metabolism plus a desire to lose weight makes for a lot of frustration, tears, anger and even depression. In an effort to get back down to my "goal" I made some craptastic decisions. There is hope and recovery, but it is anything but easy or fun!
This coming school year Emaline is eligible to start kindergarten. She will turn 5 on 9/15 and would be one of the youngest children in her class. I am not too keen on sending her, but my husband is. I have yet to get a clear answer out of him as to why he wants to do that, but I think a lot of it is financial which I understand. Sending her to preschool will cost us $215 a month. That is not cheap I know. This decision is weighing heavy on my mommy mind. I know it's not the end of the world if I make the "wrong" decision, but it feels like it. I am so dramatic! Ha!!
So, that's what is up. This si kind of a depressing post, but it's the truth of where I am. All that being said I am so grateful for the good things, and the hard things. God has been closer than skin to me lately and has been revealing himself to me in very real and tangible ways. He is always so good, even when things are rough, especially even.
One February 28th Eden was diagnosed with Nephrotic Syndrome, a rare kidney disease. It seems that she will make a full recovery, but there will be some rough days on the horizon. Part of that disease means that she has been on steroids for the past 5 weeks. OY VEY. They make her hungrier, more energetic, stronger (read: more aggressive) and also causes more sleep problems. Plus she has a very compromised immune system so we have been isolated. That all being said I am very grateful that she is doing so well and that the doctors were able to diagnose and treat her so well.
I had a real panic attack while at the hospital. So, yeah.
My husband has been working a lot more hours. He is at work 6 or 7 days a week and we miss him. His absence has come at a bad time in terms of Eden being ill. Doing it all alone and also not being able to do my normal things has made me feel a little, or a lot, nutty! They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but lately that has been anything but the truth. we are arguing a lot and feel disconnected.
We launched a small group with our awesome neighbors! This is actually very exciting and has been a tremendous faith builder for me as I sat back and watch as God orchestrated everything before my eyes. The timing is not what I would have picked, but it's what He is doing so we go with it. Since we are doing this that means we are no longer meeting with several of the people from our former small group and this is where the rub happens. It just plain bums me out! I loved being with them and I will miss it tremendously.
I am recovering from the backlash of my big weight loss a few years ago. It was a big pendulum swing from what I used to do, but still very compulsive in nature. No longer was I eating myself into an oblivion, but I was forcing myself to over exercise and eating too little. Then the second pregnancy and I basically fried my metabolism. A fried metabolism plus a desire to lose weight makes for a lot of frustration, tears, anger and even depression. In an effort to get back down to my "goal" I made some craptastic decisions. There is hope and recovery, but it is anything but easy or fun!
This coming school year Emaline is eligible to start kindergarten. She will turn 5 on 9/15 and would be one of the youngest children in her class. I am not too keen on sending her, but my husband is. I have yet to get a clear answer out of him as to why he wants to do that, but I think a lot of it is financial which I understand. Sending her to preschool will cost us $215 a month. That is not cheap I know. This decision is weighing heavy on my mommy mind. I know it's not the end of the world if I make the "wrong" decision, but it feels like it. I am so dramatic! Ha!!
So, that's what is up. This si kind of a depressing post, but it's the truth of where I am. All that being said I am so grateful for the good things, and the hard things. God has been closer than skin to me lately and has been revealing himself to me in very real and tangible ways. He is always so good, even when things are rough, especially even.
Tuesday, July 30, 2013
32
I had a birthday on Sunday and I turned 32. It was just an OK birthday. Not great, not bad. My mind was flooded with kind of melancholy thoughts all day long.
The thing that gets me is that 32 is older than my brother Mark died. He was about 5 weeks shy of turning 32 when he took his last breath. At that time I was just 24 years old, and I thought 31 seemed kind of "up there". I imagined what I would be doing when I was 32. I just can't believe that now I am older than he was when his life was ending. I feel like there is so much more to do and so many more thing I'd love to see. Mark had a little boy, about Emaline's age. He had a young wife who wanted to grow old with him. He had a community that needed his leadership and wisdom. He had friends that would miss his jokes and the sound of his voice. I miss him always, but turning 32 made me a little heart sick.
I am eager for Christ to return and reveal the fullness of His Kingdom.
The thing that gets me is that 32 is older than my brother Mark died. He was about 5 weeks shy of turning 32 when he took his last breath. At that time I was just 24 years old, and I thought 31 seemed kind of "up there". I imagined what I would be doing when I was 32. I just can't believe that now I am older than he was when his life was ending. I feel like there is so much more to do and so many more thing I'd love to see. Mark had a little boy, about Emaline's age. He had a young wife who wanted to grow old with him. He had a community that needed his leadership and wisdom. He had friends that would miss his jokes and the sound of his voice. I miss him always, but turning 32 made me a little heart sick.
I am eager for Christ to return and reveal the fullness of His Kingdom.
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Tom
My grandpa Tom is in the hospital in the last stages of heart failure. He is all the way in south Georgia and I can't get there to see him, but he is not far from my mind. I wish I could go and see him and hear him tell me stories about our trip to Australia or to hear him say his coined phrase "I hate old people". He's a wonderful, caring, tough, funny man who I love dearly.
The thing about him that I want to always remember is that to him family is not just about blood relation. He is not biologically my grandpa. Not in any way. He is the step father of my step mother, but he is my grandpa just as Betty is my mother. His story of becoming Bettys dad is one that makes me shake me head and smile.
In 1961 he met a woman, my step grandma, name Betty Fremont. Betty had 9 children (one of them my 8 year old step mom, also named Betty) and had been widowed not once but twice. She was older than him by a few years and like I said before she had 9 children. Tom had never been married and had no children, but he took a chance on Betty Fremont. They dated and decided to marry. 50 years ago on February 20, 1963 they were married. Together they had 3 more children, moved from Texas to Florida to Virginia and then finally to Georgia where they still live today. I hear them tell it and I just can't believe that a handsome young fella like Tom was willing to take on a woman with 9 children! He was in love and he also loved those kids. He was there father in every sense of the word. He is their father and he taught them so much about loving people as family even if they were not family. In a big sense he helped make Betty as willing to love and embrace 2 young kids who needed the love she had to give. I am forever grateful to Thomas Salter for that and for so many other things.
In 1998 I had the privilege to travel with him for 3 weeks to Australia! It truly was a trip of a lifetime and I am so thankful to have shared it with him. He was stationed in Australia in the Navy in the late 1950's and he was and excellent tour guide! I learned so much from him and about him in those weeks. Each time I see him we reminisce about our time down under and crack inside jokes about our trip.
He is such a joy in my life and I have a heavy heart as I pray and wait for news that will shock and sadden me deeply, even though I know what is coming. People can't live forever. We are all mortal. Yet it is still so hard and feels tragic even when a life ends after years of happiness and fulfillment. Tom knows Jesus intimately and I know the Lord is his shepherd.
I love you forever, Tom.
The thing about him that I want to always remember is that to him family is not just about blood relation. He is not biologically my grandpa. Not in any way. He is the step father of my step mother, but he is my grandpa just as Betty is my mother. His story of becoming Bettys dad is one that makes me shake me head and smile.
In 1961 he met a woman, my step grandma, name Betty Fremont. Betty had 9 children (one of them my 8 year old step mom, also named Betty) and had been widowed not once but twice. She was older than him by a few years and like I said before she had 9 children. Tom had never been married and had no children, but he took a chance on Betty Fremont. They dated and decided to marry. 50 years ago on February 20, 1963 they were married. Together they had 3 more children, moved from Texas to Florida to Virginia and then finally to Georgia where they still live today. I hear them tell it and I just can't believe that a handsome young fella like Tom was willing to take on a woman with 9 children! He was in love and he also loved those kids. He was there father in every sense of the word. He is their father and he taught them so much about loving people as family even if they were not family. In a big sense he helped make Betty as willing to love and embrace 2 young kids who needed the love she had to give. I am forever grateful to Thomas Salter for that and for so many other things.
In 1998 I had the privilege to travel with him for 3 weeks to Australia! It truly was a trip of a lifetime and I am so thankful to have shared it with him. He was stationed in Australia in the Navy in the late 1950's and he was and excellent tour guide! I learned so much from him and about him in those weeks. Each time I see him we reminisce about our time down under and crack inside jokes about our trip.
He is such a joy in my life and I have a heavy heart as I pray and wait for news that will shock and sadden me deeply, even though I know what is coming. People can't live forever. We are all mortal. Yet it is still so hard and feels tragic even when a life ends after years of happiness and fulfillment. Tom knows Jesus intimately and I know the Lord is his shepherd.
I love you forever, Tom.
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